54321 Grounding

54321 grounding technique

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Often times anxiety and panic attacks are the result of irrational thinking. One technique is the 54321 grounding technique. Symptoms may include hypervigilance, irritability, restlessness, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, excessive worry, fear, feeling of impending doom and insomnia. Psychology teaches a way to overcome this is through grounding or centering. Grounding or centering are calming techniques that can help us get through stressful situations. These grounding and centering techniques remind us that the thoughts are not real. We are over exaggerating the importance of the thoughts and feel there is no solution to the grave outcomes ahead. An individual makes the thoughts bigger than ourselves. One must stop these racing thoughts to feel normal again.

The 54321 grounding technique will take you through your five senses to help remind you of the present. Complete each step slowly and deliberately. Start with three or four deep, slow breaths. In through the nostrils, out through the mouth.

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Let’s begin:

Learning 54321 Grounding

5 – Look around for 5 things that you can see. Say them slowly out loud. Remember to be deliberate. Don’t rush through it.

4 – Name 4 things that you can touch and actually touch them. Each item should be different then the ones you mentioned in 5 things you can see. If you are in a confined area or a space that has very few items then use your body. Name 4 feelings or sensations like, I feel my feet warm in my socks, I feel the hair on the back of my neck or I feel the cushion I am sitting on. Remember to say them slow and out loud.

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3 – Next, 3 things you can hear.  Again, say these slowly and out loud. It can be the hum of a fan or air conditioner, music, birds chirping, kids playing, or the sound of your own breathing. These should be different that the items in the first two steps.

2 – Now it becomes a little more challenging but stick with it. Name 2 things that you can smell. Move around the room if you need to. If you can’t smell anything at the moment or you can’t move, then name your 2 favorite smells, like candles, favorite food, cologne/perfume. These items should not be the same as the ones in the first 3 steps. Remember, be deliberate. Slow and out loud.

1 – Lastly, name one thing you can taste. If you can’t taste anything, then say your favorite thing to taste. Make that thought vivid, as though you were tasting it now. Again, slow and deliberate.

End with three or four long slow deep breaths.

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Follow up 54321 Grounding

By now, you should feel a little more in control of your thoughts and feelings. If you become anxious again in a short amount of time, do this exercise again. Practice it daily. With practice it becomes easier to address these intrusive, irrational thoughts.

3 3 3 Rule

Very similar to 5-4-3-2-1 is  the 3 3 3 rule. The 3 3 3 rule states to look around you and name three things that you see. Next, three sounds you hear. Then, move three parts of your body — your ankle, fingers, neck, toes, or arm. When you feel your mind becoming overactive, this can help center your mind, bringing you to the present moment and at peace. For some, this is easier than 5-4-3-2-1 because you don’t need to remember how many things are in each category; it’s always 3.

What God has to Say

54321 grounding technique to relieve anxiety and feeling panicky.

Often, these irrational thoughts cause us to become fearful, full of doubt, anxious. God did not intend for man to live this way. But Satan’s plan is to get man’s mind and thoughts off of God and onto anything that draws us away from the love of God. Philippians 4:6-8 says “be careful (do not be anxious or fearful) for nothing (not a thing); but in every thing (all things) by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth (surpasses, transcends, goes beyond) all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” King James Version

I like how verse 4 says “be careful for nothing”. It’s saying to live your life. Motivate yourself. Go do things. What it is not saying is to be reckless. You can be adventurous, but not reckless. By keeping our thoughts fixed on God “through Christ Jesus” He will give rest to our “hearts and minds”. In addition, scripture tells us “don’t worry about tomorrow” Matthew 6 25 34 kjv. You can then ask yourself, “Why should I worry?”  It takes consistency to develop this habit and it can be done.

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BONUS ** BONUS ** BONUS

Here are a few extra tips to help you become grounded.

Here is Bonus Tip 1. Move your body

Do a few exercises. Stretching is a good form of exercise and yoga is a good form of stretching. You could also try jumping jacks, jumping up and down, jumping rope or jogging in place. Pay attention to how your body feels with each movement and when your hands or feet touch the floor or move through the air. How does the floor feel against your feet and hands? If you jump rope, listen to the sound of the rope in the air and when it hits the ground.

Bonus Tip 2. Play a memory game

Look at a detailed photograph or picture for 5 to 10 seconds. Turn the photograph face-down. Now, recreate the picture in your mind. Try to grasp as much detail as possible. Also, try mentally listing all the things you remember from the photograph.

Lastly Bonus Tip 3. Sit with your pet

Spend a few moments just sitting with pet If you have one. If they’re of the furry variety, pet them, focusing on how their fur feels. Focus on their markings or unique characteristics. If you have a smaller pet you can hold, concentrate on how they feel in your hand. Also, you can think of your favorite things about your pet or how they would comfort you if they were there.

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Racing Thoughts and Sleep

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Panic attacks and racing thoughts can often increase due to lack of sleep. We, at times do okay during the day, but it’s the nights that consume us. We lie awake at night, worry about people and things which we have no control over, and fret. Even if we had control, what could we do at 2:00 in the morning to fix it? That’s right, nothing. To make matters worse, we wake up the next day feeling groggy, tired and miserable. We are easily irritated at the slightest things. That irritation gives way to racing thoughts of this happening again which interrupts sleep. Then we have panic attacks.

But, what if it doesn’t have to be this way? What if there was a way to manage things where we could get one good night’s sleep out of the week? Would that be better? Maybe two or three nights of good sleep. Would that improve things? One solution is good sleep hygiene.

Good sleep hygiene is what you do to prepare for sleep. It’s also what you don’t do that will help you get a good night’s rest. These tips help reduce racing thoughts and your sleep will improve.

Avoid These Before Going to Sleep.

• Alcohol – Alcohol is a depressant. You may initially sleep (or pass out), but you will awaken several times and not feel rested in the morning.
• Nicotine – Having a smoke before bed may sound good but nicotine is a stimulant. Avoid smoking before sleeping.
• Caffeine  – Also a stimulant, it must be avoided four to six hours before going to sleep. Caffeine is in coffee, soda, chocolate, tea and many medications.
• Eating heavy meals late at night – Important factors here; HEAVY meals, LATE at night.
• Naps during the day – This disrupts your circadian rhythm. Try to stay awake throughout the day. If you must nap, try to keep it about 25 minutes.

More Tips…

• Drinking fluids late – Drinking fluids after around 8:00 disrupts sleep due to urination.
• Watching television – The bedroom is for sleeping and sex. If you can, remove the TV from your room. The sounds and light from the TV stimulate areas of your brain which prevents a good night’s sleep. You may say that you sleep with the TV on and are fine. What really happens is your body is so tired that you “pass out”. You do not get restful sleep. Your mind continues to process sounds, motion and light while you sleep. Shut it off.
• Electronic devices – This includes listening to music, playing games, reading using cell phones or tablets. Just like the TV, electronic devices emit light, sound and motion which stimulates your brain.
• Ensure that you don’t have sleep apnea – Sleep apnea can be dangerous, even deadly if not addressed. Indicators of sleep apnea are obesity, daytime sleepiness or fatigue, neck larger than 17 ½ inches, loud snoring, silent pauses in breathing, and high blood pressure.

Things To Get a Better Night’s Sleep:

• Take a shower or bath – Taking a warm shower/bath, then stepping into a cooler bedroom will decrease your body’s temperature indicating your ready to go to sleep. Your breathing and heart rate will slow down.
• Put clean sheets on your bed – This just sounds cozy, but there is literature out there that suggests that clean sheets and bedding improves sleep quality. Ensure you make your bed every morning so you can climb into a cozy bed.
• Clean PJ’s too while you’re at it – Believe it or not, there is literature out there regarding this topic. They all say clean jammies improves your quality of sleep.
• Read a book – Reading a book is excellent for sleep hygiene. Reading before sleeping helps the body shut down. It helps reduce stress and according to The National Sleep Foundation it is recommended as part of sleep hygiene.

More Sleep Time Tips…

• Use lavender – Lavender comes in many forms to use; candles, oils, a tea which you drink and fresh cut in a sachet placed under your pillow. Research shows that lavender reduces blood pressure, heart rate and respiratory rate. Those who used lavender were more relaxed. The research indicates that lavender may be able to alter brain waves and reduce stress.
• Drink chamomile tea – We mentioned lavender as a tea. Here are a few more herbs that you can drink as a tea; Chamomile, valerian root, magnolia bark, lemon balm and passion flower.
• Take melatonin – Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone produced in the pineal gland in your brain. It is released during the darkness of the evening and night. You can purchase melatonin in pill form over-the-counter without a prescription. Melatonin is not a sleeping aid as it is naturally produced. In pill form it is a supplement to what your brain produces.

Another Way

Even armed with all this information there are some that will still have racing thoughts and difficulty sleeping. There is a negative correlation between racing thoughts and sleep: the more racing thoughts the poorer the sleep. We experience dire times of worry, stress, racing thoughts, anxiety and panic attacks. During these times we focus on our inability to change the outcomes of events. We feel worthless, useless, disgusted with ourselves, ashamed and many more negative thoughts. But…what if we placed our concerns in the hands of another person. One in whom we feel confident will accomplish the tasks and change the ending for us. Someone beyond us. A person who is not limited or bound like we are. Someone who has the knowledge, skill, power, and is WILLING to help.

That’s right, call on God. In Psalm 91:5 it states, “⁵ Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;” (KJV). Did you get that? No terrors by night. Whatever your fear, worry, concern or stress, we can rest assured that God will not allow us to be afraid during the night. We must trust God that He will do what He says He will do.

You may say, “But why would God do this for me?” Why? Because He loves you. He wants you to feel safe and secure. He is the best father and knows what you need. In Matthew 7:11 it reads, “¹ If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” Trust Him. Trust that He will reduce your racing thoughts and sleep will find you.

If you want professional help from a licensed therapist with a Christian perspective for your racing thoughts, panic attacks and anxiety go to our website Christian Therapy Online.com and click on the orange button “Schedule Your Session Now”. Step Into a New You

Stop Racing Thoughts

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When racing thoughts, panic attacks or anxiety arises, one technique which psychology teaches is grounding or centering. You use these techniques to slow down racing thoughts and get back to baseline. Often times anxiety, racing thoughts and panic attacks are the result of irrational thinking. Grounding/centering techniques remind us that the thoughts are not real. We are over exaggerating the importance of the thoughts and feel there is no solution to the grave outcomes ahead. We make the thoughts bigger than ourselves. In a state of panic we know we must stop these racing thoughts to feel normal again, but how? One technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. With this technique we become aware of our surroundings which helps us slow down these racing thoughts. The key to this technique is to do it slowly. It takes a little practice, but it is effective.

Experience Real Peace

As Christians we know that God is in control of all things. However, as our thoughts race, we don’t think of God’s word and His promises therein. If we do think of God during these times, it’s a feeble plea for help. “Oh God, help me” never thinking He will respond. We argue with ourselves that He is too busy, doesn’t care, our problem is not big enough, or, more than likely, WE are not good enough. “Why would God help a miserable person like me?” Why? Because He loves you and does not want you to live like this forever. 

God’s Promises

As previously mentioned, God’s word is full of promises. You may say those promises were for a particular time or a specific people. In some instances that is true, but we can still extract the principles God uses and apply them to our situation or circumstance. In many instances those promises are for us. Verses like; Fear not (Isaiah 43:1 and about 73 other verses), do not be anxious (Philippians 4:6), and peace be with you (John 14:27), are a few examples of God’s promises for all of us. 

Enjoy Safe Surroundings

Allow me to share another promise with you: Trust God. In Psalm 37:3 it says, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed” (KJV). Other versions of this text read, “…and enjoy safe pasture”. That means God will protect you! The almighty God who created the universe and every minute thing in it cares about you. He doesn’t want you to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. Rather, God desires that you live safely in your land. Isn’t that awesome!

Continue reading the rest of this chapter and see how God desires to give you good things. Consequently, He will destroy the wicked. Doesn’t that give you peace of mind and make you feel better?

Trust God

I encourage you to “Trust in the Lord and do good…” as we do this, those thoughts that we made bigger than ourselves don’t look so daunting.

Draw closer to God and He will draw closer to you (James 4:8). Hmmm… sounds like another promise.

If you want professional help for your racing thoughts, panic attacks and anxiety go to our website Christian Therapy Online.com and click on the orange button “Schedule Your Session Now”. Step Into a New You

Panic Attacks – It’s the Holidays…OMG

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It’s the holidays…OMG! What is to be the happiest time of the year can cause panic attacks just thinking about the upcoming get-togethers. Do you feel like you have to pretend to be someone else in order to survive?  And oh, the questions… How old are you now? When are you getting married? Are you still trying to lose weight? Do you have a job yet? Do you still have those panic attacks? You know, It’s all in your head. There are many more that I’m sure with which you are familiar. When will it stop? Will getting married really stop their questions? Will getting a new job do it? More than likely not. Then there is their advice: “Just get over it.” “Think positive.” And, “Forget about it.”

Here are a Few Tips to Help Make This Holiday Season the Best

Approach everyone before they come up to you, but limit time with each of them.

When you arrive to your get-together, start saying hi to everyone. Shake hands, hug, make small talk, then move on. Say something like, “Will you excuse me? I see Aunt Mary and I want to say hi.” This will help reduce stress and panic attacks by knowing your time with a person is limited. Knowing you can get through the next few minutes will help immensely. You will be okay.

Have an ally.

Make plans ahead of time with a trusted family member or friend. If your ally sees you hanging out too long with someone, they will come up to you and say “There you are. Aunt Mary has been asking about you. Will you please excuse us? I’m going to take her to Aunt Mary.” This is especially helpful if you are not the type to excuse yourself from someone’s “conversational grip”. Therefore, knowing someone is there to rescue you will reduce panic attacks.

Have a backout call.

If you don’t have an ally that can be there physically, engage an ally who will call you at a predetermined time. You can then apologize that you must leave and make your escape. Because you know someone will rescue you, it will reduce panic attacks. That assurance that you will be whisked away from the place shortly adds comfort.

Be cordial and engaging.

By engaging with them you remain in control. Give compliments and ask them the questions instead of allowing them to ask you. Say things like, “That is a lovely color on you.” “I just saw your children, they are getting so big.” “I heard you went on vacation recently, tell me about it.” “How is your daughter doing in her dance class?” “How is your health? I heard you were recently I’ll.” People love to talk about themselves and their families. Keep them talking and that removes stress from you. Then? That’s right…move on to the next person. This is the strongest tip because you remain in control. Do you think this tip alone will reduce panic attacks?

Limit alcohol consumption.

You may be tempted to reach for that liquid courage but don’t. Instead of maintaining self-control, inebriation creates fear which then results in panic attacks.

If things go well, stay longer.

Finally, if things are working out better than expected there is no law that says you must leave. You may end up enjoying catching up with people. This is the best way to reduce panic attacks because you will be you. You will be engaging from a standpoint of your strengths (See our article on strengths in Panic Attacks Depression and the Holidays.

Bonus:

If someone corners you and broaches a subject with which you are uncomfortable, Do Not Panic! You can say something like, “That was so long ago. I’m a different person now, aren’t you?” “I’m sorry, but that isn’t something we should discuss here. Why don’t we get together for coffee one day?” “Would you mind not saying those things? It’s the holidays. Isn’t it better to talk about more cheerful things?”

These tips require some planning. By being prepared you will already have confidence to survive holiday get-togethers. Hence, these may be the best holidays yet…free of panic attacks.

Holiday Panic Attacks, Depression 

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The holidays are here. A festive time for many. There are plenty of social gatherings, celebrations and community events to attend and make merry. But, for some it is a time of excessive worry, holiday panic attacks, depression, loneliness and dread. Society has adopted terms like the “holiday blues”, melancholy and holiday depression to describe someone’s mood. Mental health clinicians refer to this as seasonal affective disorder in the DSM 5. Research says it is due to improper transportation of serotonin. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel happy. Other research indicates the lack of sunlight during the winter season results in depressive mood. I find it ironic that the acronym for seasonal affective disorder is SAD. Medication will help with serotonin. And a little more sunshine can help with the other.

But is it the lack of serotonin, sunlight or holidays? Could it be something else? Which other factors contribute to feeling less enthusiastic during this time of year? Why do you have fear and suffer holiday panic attacks and depression?

Here’s a few suspicions.

For some it can be the loss of loved ones that contributes to sadness and loneliness. For others it is the wounds of divorce and feeling of betrayal that creates depression. For still others it is feeling rejected, judged, and not engaging in life which contributes to isolation, panic attacks and depression. The thought of going to someone’s home for the holidays creates anxiety and even panic attacks.

Do Well-Intentioned People Contribute to Holiday Panic Attacks, Depression?

May I suggest another possible culprit; people. Yes, those well-intentioned season greeters who, oh so subtly, drop remarks and digs that cut down to the soul.

These people may be the real reason we don’t enjoy the holiday season.

There are the braggers who always show up to report what great success they have had, making you feel less than.

The “suggesters” who suggest you change careers, get married, get divorced, have a baby, stop drinking, drink more, and the list goes on. 

How about the drinker who becomes loud, obnoxious and says whatever is on his mind? They have no problem telling us exactly what’s wrong with us. We all are familiar with that person.

These are just a few of the types of people that can make the holiday season filled with panic attacks and depression.

It’s Not You

May I suggest the issue of holiday blues may not be you. You do a little better the rest of the year. Why not now? Oh, sure, there are times when people suffer panic attacks, depression, and anxiety during other times. However, they are able to manage those times much better than during the holiday events. Why? Could it be that the braggers and such are more familiar to us, therefore, we feel there may be some truth to what they say? Perhaps, because we were taught to respect our elders, we feel we can’t say anything back to them. Whatever the reason, it is important to realize that other people’s perceptions of you, do not make you who you are. You have control of that. We can learn to set healthy boundaries and say “no” to people, regardless of who they are.

Know Your Strengths

How is this done? You must learn the truth about you. Your strengths. By knowing your strengths, you take power away from them and empower yourself. You are probably thinking, “But I don’t like confrontation.” That is the beauty of knowing your strengths. All you’re doing is disagreeing with their perception of you and helping them understand you better.

So get to know your strengths. Often times strengths are found in the things people say about us,

but we need to put them in a healthy positive sense. For example: They say, “you’re stubborn”. Perhaps you change that to “I’m driven”. It’s the same thing but it’s more positive. They may say, “you’re scared”. In contrast you can say, “I’m cautious or timid”. If they say, “you’re quiet”. You respond with, “I’m a good listener”. This will take some practice. Prepare yourself by knowing what they say about you (it’s usually the same things over and over, that is what makes it so irritating), and think of how to turn it into a positive.

Be Yourself

Learn to be yourself. Make this holiday season the best. Overcome panic attacks and depression. Be at peace with who you are. After all, isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Even the angel of the Lord (Luke 2:9) who heralded the coming of Jesus to the shepherds said, “Fear not…” (Luke 2:10) “… Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill toward men” (Luke 2:14).

In my next blog I will share with you steps you can take to maneuver through the holidays and make them the best they’ve been.

Tips to Obtaining Peace of Mind

Peace of Mind

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We all want to have peace of mind. However, we experience, at one time or another in our lives, difficult moments that sometimes seem insurmountable. Whether it is the bereavement of a loved one, the loss of a job, illness or other daily worries, we find ourselves very quickly caught up in the difficulties and our morale does not allow us to cope. We fall into anguish, stress or even fear that nothing is settled and we may not find (or see, rather) any solutions to get out of it. To break this feeling of bondage, it is first and foremost essential to find a calm, serene and peaceful state of mind.

Even if that seems impossible, it is the only thing that will allow you to think about your difficulties in a rational and deliberate way.  Here are some tips that will help you calm down in your mind.

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Peace – Helpful Tips

Peaceful

Write down everything that presents a burden in your mind and weighs you psychologically on a piece of paper. Then burn the leaf and watch it burn. Imagine that your worries fade away and that weight has disappeared from your shoulders with each ember fading.

Prepare a montage from photos and images that make you feel good and at peace. There are many free software programs available to do this easily, and without much technical knowledge. For example, Picmonkey, which is very simple to use and requires no registration (choose in this case the function “Collage”).

Declutter and tidy up your room or house to create a more peaceful space.

Plan a moment just for yourself to do something that you like, and that is good for you.

Help

Give your time to help others, be it your loved ones who need service, your elderly neighbor who will be happy to have help cutting down trees in his lawn or become a volunteer with a charity. Helping people who need it will make you feel good and help you put your own problems into perspective.

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Call someone you love and be totally honest with him/her about how you feel. Using I statements and never shifting blame on the recipient of the call.

Go for a walk in nature and enjoy each moment. Pay close attention to each sense. What you smell, see, etc.

These are just some of the tips on how to get peace of mind.  Do you have an go-to favorites you practice during such a time?

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Importance of Healthy Eating/Exercise in Defeating Depression

Therapy, depression symptoms, counselor

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Depression symptoms come in various forms. It is a condition that breaks people’s emotions. Depression symptoms are characterized by causing a feelings of extreme sadness. People become apathetic to their environment, and they feel that their life has little-to-no meaning. Generally, people with depression seek to solve this problem by taking antidepressant medications. Although its effectiveness is not questioned, it has also  shown that the excessive consumption of these medications can cause physical and emotional problems. Additionally, medication works best when it is supported by a healthy diet and exercise routines. Recent studies indicate exercise helps fight depression.

Depression Symptoms and Anxiety – How Exercise Can Help

Regular exercise is thought to help reduce depression in several ways, including:

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• Releasing сhеmісаlѕ іn thе brаіn that hеlр you fееl gооd and dесrеаѕеs dерrеѕѕіоn (nеurоtrаnѕmіttеrѕ, endorphins аnd endocannabinoids)
• The reduction of chemicals in the immune system that worsen depression
• The increase in body temperature, which has soothing effects.

Exercising Regularly Also Has Many Emotional and Psychological Benefits. It Helps You: 

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• Gain confidence. Meeting exercise goals or challenges, even small ones, reinforces confidence in yourself. Being fit also makes you feel better about your appearance.
• Replace or displace your worries. Exercise іѕ a dіѕtrасtіоn thаt gets уоu аwау frоm the cycle оf negative thоughtѕ which fuеlѕ аnxіеtу аnd dерrеѕѕіоn.
• Get more social interaction. Exercise and physical activity can give you the opportunity to socialize or meet other people. Sіmрlу еxсhаngіng a frіеndlу ѕmіlе оr grееtіng whіlе walking аrоund уоur nеіghbоrhооd will hеlр уоur mооd – hence, your mental state.

Eating Healthy is Also Essential in Defeating Depression

Healthy Diet Reduces Depression Symptoms

A healthy diet prefers that the body is balanced. That is, it presents good levels of vitamins, and minerals. In short, all the essential substances for its proper functioning. This optimal functioning also entails stability in the nervous system, directly related to depression. Therefore, and more specifically, foods such as fruits and vegetables are recommended. These folic acid-rich foods, magnesium-rich walnuts and fish, which is rich in omega 3 and vitamin B12 are highly recommended. In contrast, saturated fats, preservatives and artificial colors, alcohol or industrial sugars are discouraged.

Diet to Fight Depression Symptoms

Depression Symptoms – Increase Your Mood With Healthy Food

Faced with a stressful situation or low mood, people often resort to “comfort foods. These foods activate the function of the reward center of the brain. We then perceive that we feel better. These comfort foods are usually rich in hidden sugars, fats, salt and additives. A diet which will combat depression should take care of the intestinal microbiota. Ninety percent of serotonin is produced in the nervous system. To promote serotonin make sure your diet includes foods that are rich in probiotics and prebiotics to maintain the active microbiota.

7 Tips for Healthy Communication in Relationships

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Everyone in relationships has struggled with communication. It happens in friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, and work relationships, to name just the main ones. Eасh оf thеѕе relationships is іn уоur lіfе so thаt уоu can lеаrn to соmmunісаtе bеttеr, аnd thus not оnlу еxрrеѕѕ уоurѕеlf еffесtіvеlу, but also lеаrn to undеrѕtаnd the nееdѕ оf оthеrѕ. Fortunately, with these tips, you can find some keys to healthy communication.

1. Keep in mind that your partner or loved ones can not read your mind

Even the most similar in thought will still process events and emotions differently .  And while an outcome or ideal way to handle a situation may seem “obvious” to you, it is the very unique experiences and emotions that will affect how your loved ones – and yourself – will process and communicate your heart’s desires and concerns.

2. Talk face to face

The discussion of important issues should always be done in person whenever possible. While technology seeks to make communication faster and easily accessible, it doesn’t promise tone, volume, pitch or similar to convey emotions and sincerity. Body language serves as an incredible non-verbal communicator also, sharing some inner emotions that you can discern as either openness, understanding, seclusion or even disdain – implying that perhaps the conversation you’re attempting to have is best suited for another time.

3. Be honest

A healthy relationship requires honesty. Trust is imperative to a relationship because upon it, intimacy, growth and change can happen.  Without transparency in the form of lying or omission of the full truth, others can begin to question motives, intentions and even the genuine love of others. Sometimes, honesty is hard to hear, but it is necessary for a healthy relationship.  Certainly, there are some things that can be shared in a more gentle way, as opposed to blunt or harsh words that seek to condemn or criticize.  The goal here would be to be open and honest about your struggles, feelings and concerns. Don’t shift blame or make accusations.

4. Listen actively

Active listening means letting someone know that you are listening to them fully, with undivided attention. To listen with the intention to truly hear them. Do not listening for something to respond to or rebuttal with. Active listening involves eye contact. Try repeating what you have been told to ensure you understand what they are saying. Pay attention with even your body language (facing those you are listening to and avoiding fidgeting, if possible.) Avoid looking at your phone, looking down at your hands. Be cognizant of dividing your attention between those speaking and the things happening around you. While they are not always possible to tune out – they are considered disrespectful and half-engaged.

5. “Sandwich” method

The sandwich method is a great go-to for conflict resolution and overall communication. Basically, you tell your partner or loved one something that is on your heart but may be hard for the recipient to hear. You can consider a “sandwich” of sorts. Do this by inserting the issue between positive comments.  Avoid saying something superficial or even irrelevant, then state your concern, followed by a kind salutation. Rather, this is opening with something positive and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt regarding the circumstances you care to present.  Then, following with the concern you have in a non-threatening way. Perhaps sharing your perception of the issue and how you are recognizing it is affecting you emotionally.  Followed with an appreciation for their willingness to listen. Suggest a genuine desire to fix the issue because you value their friendship/relationship.

An example may sound like this:  “Hi Harry,  I am so proud of you and your ambition. I’ve always admired that you are such a hard worker and have a work ethic that is loyal and consistent!  In wanting to share with you, I’ve realized a part of me that has been feeling somewhat resentful and even jealous of your work. This is because I’ve been desiring more time with you – the man I love.  I know you are working hard to balance both providing financially and emotionally.  I appreciate you listening to me and being open to discuss some plans we can make to balance our time together. Also, I appreciate the time you’ve spent selflessly providing.

6. First-person statements

Something basic in couple’s therapies is that the couple learns to make first-person statements. Thіѕ mеаnѕ thаt do not аttасk уоur раrtnеr wіth ѕесоnd-реrѕоn ѕtаtеmеntѕ that are focused more on what they are doing wrong. Instead, humble yourself to focus solely on what you feel, how you react, and the ways you are responding. You, personally, are responsible for your own actions.  For example, instead of saying “You never make decent meals anymore. You always get takeout.” You’ll try “I have been feeling upset lately at the number of times we have dined out.  I enjoy your dinners and would like to experience you cooking more.  It is not only delicious, but it also helps us save for our goals.”  Even if this isn’t your exact situation, something similar, focused on “I” statements. Reflecting how you feel personally shows that you take responsibility while also sounding less accusatory and more approachable.

7. Communicate through actions

It is crucial to knоw thаt we do not only соmmunісаtе thrоugh words. We саn аlѕо demonstrate how we fееl thrоugh оur асtіоnѕ. Like the popular saying goes, ‘actions speak louder than words’.  In addition to the words you are speaking, the actions you portray will also show the outpouring of your heart and intentions. Having faith in your relationship is beautiful.  Showing your faith in it – that is a long-term commitment and investment – is transformative.

5 Tips to Overcome Depression

Depression can be very debilitating. It does not heal on it’s own. Here are 5 tips to help you. Christian Therapy Online.com

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Depression іѕ an еmоtіоnаl health рrоblеm that can bе caused bу specific ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, hоrmоnаl сhаngеѕ or environmental fасtоrѕ. It is a state in which the person is immersed in deep sadness, in addition to remaining irritable and without wanting to live or exist.  It is also identified as a condition where others feel indifferent or numb, per se. Not investing energy into any passions or projects – simply due to a lack of interest altogether. It is increasingly common among children and adolescents, but anyone can suffer at some point in their lives. If you are depressed, it is best to do something about it: depression does not heal on its own. Apart from asking for help from a doctor or therapist, here are 5 helpful  overcome depression:

Recover your routine and get active

It is normal that many of the daily habits someone once practiced change when going through difficult stages that cause depression. However, while sometimes it is necessary to rest from everything, you should always try to recover your routines (those that benefit you and your health) and those activities that allow you to activate the body physically and mentally.  For example, before you became depressed you were actively in a sports league or similar. Try to re-introduce it in some way gradually, until you feel comfortable doing them full-time again.

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Set goals

Aim High. Overcome depression and Step Into a New You.Christian Therapy Online.com

Depression provokes a fееlіng оf іnѕесurіtу thаt makes thе аffесtеd person thіnk thаt s/hе wіll nоt achieve whаt іѕ рrороѕеd. Setting daily or short-term goals overcomes this thinking and, moreover, may be the motivation needed to take on new challenges. The idea is to start with small objectives and, as the recovery progresses, assume greater challenges.

Improve your eating habits

This plays an important role in the treatment of depression and, although often overlooked, is essential both to prevent and to overcome it. It is very common that patients with this problem tend to make poor food choices, affecting their health and weight – as well as, the obdy’s ability to fight off moods swings. Therefore, rather than channeling the problem with harmful foods, it is essential to design a healthy and controlled diet that is nutrient dense.  Speaking with a dietician may be a good idea.

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Increase magnesium consumption

Better nutrition can help reduce symptoms of depression. Step Into a New You. Christian Therapy Online.com

While this recommendation is part of the previous point, it is very important to make a special mention, especially because the levels of this mineral decrease when a person falls into such a state. The lack of magnesium increases the feeling of anxiety and, in the long term, causes heart palpitations and fatigue. Fortunately, it can be incorporated into the diet with foods such as nuts, oysters and bananas. In addition, it can be absorbed through the skin with baths using mineral salts or even application of magnesium lotion.

Sleep well

Achieving a good quality of sleep when depression takes over our body is a rather complicated task. Thoughts are more difficult to control and emotional imbalance prevents reaching optimal and restorative sleep. Dеѕріtе thіѕ, уоu must trу to ѕlеер аѕ well аѕ роѕѕіblе, avoiding distractions before going to bed and, іf nесеѕѕаrу, rеѕоrtіng tо natural and safe remеdіеѕ tо іnduсе thе bоdу tо sleep.  Achieving a 7 or 8-hour sleep decreases the segregation of the hormones that cause depression and, instead, increases those that promote well-being. Reaching the deepest states of rest allow for homeostasis to set in, which is the highly–restorative and allows the body to heal itself.

Pornography – 3 Biblical Strategies for Fighting Lust

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” – 2 Timothy 2:22

Pornography can have a powerful grip on someone destroying love, families and individuals. The above Scripture verse is probably one of the most concise bits of advice reminding us how we should engage in the fighting lust. Commit it to memory. Chew on this verse daily. Let your mind marinate in it, for in it lies three Biblical strategies for fighting lust.

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1. Run From

“So flee youthful passions”

“Passions” refer to our cravings, our longings, our desires. More specifically the passage speaks of “youthful passions.” These fleshly lusts (or pornography) are said to “wage war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11). On the surface these cravings are anchored in the members of our body (Romans 6:12), but as we look deeper we find they stem from our sinful hearts (Romans 7:7). Ultimately these passions are forms of idolatry (Colossians 3:5), revolving our lives and desires around created things rather than the Creator.

We must run from these things. Every Christian, even though he or she is indwelt by the Spirit of Christ, still lives in a mortal body surrounded by worldly amusements. These youthful lusts stubbornly cling to our heals. Pornography is insidious. It destroys everyone in it’s path. As we see these passions stirred in us, we must habitually flee from them.

• This might mean mentally fleeing: bouncing our thoughts away from lustful imaginations.

• This could also mean visually fleeing: bouncing our eyes away from lustful images.

• Finally, This may mean physically fleeing: walking (or running) away from tempting situations.

2. Run To

“. . . pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace”

It is not enough to flee from youthful lusts. We must run toward a new passion. We are to “pursue,” that is, eagerly and swiftly run toward Christlikeness.

Christ promises His people a heart of . . .

• Righteousness (real integrity, a passion for justice, and a life pleasing to God)

• Faith (strong and welcome conviction and trust in God)

• Love (benevolent affection toward God and others)

• Peace (tranquility in the heart and harmony with God and others)

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We are to run hard after these things each day knowing these character qualities are how we were created to live. We pursue these things knowing it is our destiny to live this way. A billion years from now, when sin is a distant memory, we will be living lives of love, peace and righteousness in the kingdom of God. Have this hope we purify ourselves, just as He is pure (1 John 3:3).

3. Run With

“. . . along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

We must not only run from lust and toward God’s vision for our lives, we must also run with our brothers and sisters with the same vision. We must all find companions for this stretch of the road, those who share our faith and convictions, those in the common struggle for holiness.

These friends should be those who “call on the Lord,” an expression for those who are saved (Acts 22:16; Romans 10:13). These are other men and women who have also cried out to God for the forgiveness of their sin from a “pure” (genuine) heart.

Running with others involves a certain level of intentionality. It is not enough to simply know others around us are on the same journey because they profess a Christian faith. We must have real running companions, those who actually help us flee youthful passions and pursue a Christlike heart.

James 5:16 and Hebrews 10:24-25 offer a structure of what this kind of accountability looks like. (We build this structure out even more in our free e-book Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability.)

Creating a Strong Community

Building a good accountability relationship takes time. There are benefits and blessings along the way, but the ripest fruit comes after a real friendship is built.

Thinking of these four building blocks together, they form a structure that gives purpose and shape to our accountability relationships.

The foundation is meeting together. This includes all the basic methods of communication and conversation: meeting for coffee, talking on the phone, writing e-mails, or anything that involves a meeting of minds.

The central pillar in the room is confession of sin: getting honest with God and one another about what we are doing that we shouldn’t do or not doing that we should.

The outer walls that support and protect this relationship are prayer and encouragement.

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